Once a Waitress

It is my opinion that very little in this world cannot be improved by the addition of cheese, least of all the addition of three cheeses. The sandwich above is the creation of the team at Friends of Mine (watch out for the auto-play music on the website I can’t find the off button). FOM is one of my current favourite brunching spots, and they are winning extra brownie points for being open every single day through the Easter holidays.

Don’t let those pumpkin seeds fool you, this is not a healthful lunch. It was however my reward for working through the holidays while my friends lay about and drink pretty bright things with little umbrellas in them – and besides, food that is a reward has no calories.

The before mentioned pumpkin seed bread has cheeses – Parmesan, cheddar and Gruyere but what you can’t see in the photo is the béchamel sauce that lies underneath. Bloody brilliant. Depending on how much of glutton you are (or how hungover you are) you can order this sandwich as you see it here for $14.90 with the lot or you can mix and match with cheesy toast only ($10.90), with the spicy, salty eggplant kasundi in the ramekin here only ($11.90) and with bacon only ($13.40). Go the whole way I say.

I also recommend the Berocca ($3). Now if you will excuse me, I have some waitressing to do, a spot of Spanish homework to study and a trip to LA to save up for (plane tickets purchased!).

More serious reviews of Friends of Mine can be found with Jeroxie, It Pleases Us and Melbourne Food Tales.

Friends of Mine
506 Swan Street Richmond
(03) 9428 7516
Open 7 Days (I think)

This is not real a review, in the same way that Misty’s is not a real restaurant. It is no more a “restaurant” than a  McDonalds, or a KFC – but I tell you it has a hell of a lot more character. I mean look at all that pink? Who could take that much pink seriously?

I finally made it to Misty’s Diner. I am apparently in training for an upcoming trip to Mexico and US in September. So I feel I should be prepared. Don’t have a car though, can’t attest to the quality of the car washing service, however I took a real American along with me to help decipher the menu and make sure I didn’t order anything too stupid. Like a bucket of meat – but you will see that it didn’t work.

Speaking of pink, here’s my pink drink. Relax everybody – I might be about to consume enough high fructose corn syrup to kill a cat but there’s antioxidants in this here soft drink, so that must cancel it out. It tasted like cherry cough syrup and lemonade and the side of the can warned “does not contain real fruit”.

The service – oh it was shockingly bad. We asked for same things from three different waitress didn’t get any of it (another drink, paper towels, straws, the drinks we had ordered in the first place). But that’s okay, I wasn’t there for the service. I was there for the fried.

And fried we got. I think it’s best to do these things thematically. Next time, we’ll probably do all hot dogs, then all burgers. We had chilli cheese fries – yes! – the desire for which stems from years of watching American teen sitcoms and reading baby sitters’ club novels. They were awesome, but I can’t find the photo.

Ahh onion rings, real onion, real paper towel holder. In fact, every dish came in all sorts of odd metal food holding contraptions that may or may not be intended for napery storage. Must be seen to be believed. The limp lettuce moat was a nice touch.

Pepper stuffed with cheese – fried of course. My lovely American insisted on ranch dressing and blue cheese dressing to dip them in and I am not one to argue against anything with blue cheese in. I broke protocol and used a fork.

Pickled gherkins: a fried palate cleanser. So much salt, crispy tangy fried goodness. Or badness, depending on how you look at it. Just don’t think about it too hard okay? It’s not a double meat burger or anything.

Tater tots. Only ordered because I have watched Napoleon Dynamite too many times. Yes, everything did come with an American flag stuck in it, and no I don’t really rate tater tots. Childhood dream crushed – they suck.

Buffalo wings, how do I love thee? When my lovely American was explaining to me what Buffalo wings were her mouth was watering, this is all the convincing it took. They come in a bucket (why, oh why?) and there’s a special trick to eating them.

You roll the whole wing in the hot, salty, sour sauce, then you roll it in the dressing (again, ranch or blue cheese) then you eat with your hands – although apparently they should usually come with the sauce already on, but no matter. They were delicious. You can see the edge of our chilli cheese fries in the corner.

Imagine for a second that we could eat anything else… we wanted cherry pie but they were out. I elected for “candy” instead. I wanted to eat it right then and there, but I felt that if I did, I could have had a heart attack and died on the linoleum. So I held off until the writing of this post and I can tell you I am suffering from the most intense sugar high right now.

By the time got home I wasn’t sure whether to sleep, shower or go for a run, so I swore off fried food for at least a month. Okay, a week. It’s important to be realistic in life.

Next, Little Miss Lotus will take me to USA foods, and my lovely American will take me to Highway 31 (which is really on Sydney Road) for a comparison study. I’ve just enrolled in a Spanish language course as well (for the Mexico and LA leg of my journey), I’ve decided not to ever read Jamie Oliver’s America and I’d go to Mamasita if I could get a table. Let the games begin! Now, where is that Taco Truck?

Misty’s Diner
103 High Street Prahran
(03) 9510 1959 – bookings recommended on weekends, bring your best singing voice too (you’ll see when you get there)

Ahh Ellery & Co. The last of the promised “good” cafes in my local area I had yet to try.

It looked lovely on approach. Lovely fittings, a cosy front room (in an old butcher’s shop) and the tables were laid out well for the space. Quirky water bottles and quality cutlery and crockery, also a win. Importantly – there wasn’t a 20 minute wait for a table. The people around seemed to be having a good time, and a ratio of one toddler per 15 adults was promising.

I’d just like to say, before we proceed any further, that I don’t consider this to be a negative review, more so a mediocre one.  Other reviews of Ellery and Co (namely this one) share similar (yet not exact) views to mine, so I wanted to clarify that I have tried to put forth a fair and balanced review based on my personal experience. Granted I’ve had far worse experiences – but this doesn’t give Ellery and Co any saving graces for not quite hitting the mark nor should it force me to bin my review because it’s not particularly glowing – as suggested the cowardly anonymous commenters on the blog linked above.

Where shall we begin? 11am on a Sunday morning and the service was sloppy. The cafe was full, but the waiters were certainly not moving at any great speed. Especially not to clean the dirty table next to me, which remained uncleared for so long after a new table sat down I was tempted to get up and do it  myself. Or to give anyone a menu when they sat, or take a coffee order. Or offer a second coffee when delivering a meal. Or clear away the cop from the first coffee. A bit slack really.

The brunch/lunch menu was uninspired (and grammatically challenged) – a nod to top producers listed on the menu (Tom Cooper, Fratelli Galloni) indicating a commitment to high quality produce yet the inclusion of truffle oil on a scrambled egg dish puzzled.

More substantial meals than “eggs any way” (of no specific origin) lean towards the Italian. A classic gnocchi with Napoli and basil, or a crumbed veal schnitzel sandwich from the lunch menu sound simple yet appealing (I might head back for it next weekend).

Breakfast options are stock standard. I wanted to ask a few questions, namely ‘where do you get your eggs and bread from’ but the staff looked so listless I couldn’t summon the enthusiasm to call them to the table.

My croque monsieur  ($13) – not particularly traditional with leg ham, seeded mustard, gruyere and ‘roclette’ (sic) -  was delicious, generous with the cheese and ham, and crunchy thin cut bread a winning combination. The side salad of rocket and cornichons attempted to cut through the grease of the cheese – however a drenching of oil  derailed this intent. A croque madame is also available, with the addition of a fried egg.

While waiting for it to arrive I read The Age (and it’s accompanying M Magazine and Sunday Life Magazine) and unfortunately, also the Herald Sun. No breakfast should take this long to arrive – especially not a toasted cheese sandwich. The coffee was average, and nothing more.

I am disappointed yes – there are limited options for Hawthorn locals and I was hoping Ellery & Co would live up to it’s reputation. However, with their biggest let down being inconsistent performance from staff I can only (hopefully) imagine a different day’s service could have elicited a different verdict, yet I cannot keep returning to play service roulette on the off chance of improvement.

Ellery and Co is open 7 days for breakfast and lunch, Wednesday – Saturday for dinner. 46 Church Street Hawthorn. (03) 9853 3533. No website that I could find.

Haalo blogged about his dinner experiences at Ellery and Co here, and his breakfast experiences here. After reading Haalo’s reviews I am keen to head to Ellery and Co for dinner as a comparison study. Stay tuned.